Play this Episode:
This is the Official Podcast from Candeo. The Answer For Your Porn Addiction.
Episode 23. July 13, 2009. With Mark Kastleman.
This weeks episode is titled, “Porn, Dopamine and Why it is So Hard to Quit.”
—————–
Candeo is Devoted to Helping Pornography Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing
Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Pornography Addiction.
It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Pornography Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.
Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Pornography Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.
To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click HERE.
CJ
July 13, 2009 • 8:40 pm
This explains so much! I’ve been in a porn rut for years and have not found a good explanation as to why..until now.
anonymous
July 13, 2009 • 8:42 pm
Is this why some people say pornography is just as hard, or harder to overcome porn addiction than heroine? Are the chemicals your brain releases stronger than street drugs?
Ken
July 13, 2009 • 9:02 pm
I have quit street drugs easier than this! It’s insane to me! Why is that? It makes me so mad! I just want a normal life! Not this trash ruining it!
Daniel
July 13, 2009 • 9:34 pm
This makes perfect sense. I’m absolutely dying to be rid of this curse. It’s just that even if I spend the chunk of money for the first two months, I can’t afford the continued subscription. And I’m terribly afraid that if I were to go through the first two months and then cancel, I’d fall right back into my own trap.
I experience what you describe, Mark. I feel down about things for no apparent reason at times. My confidence in a lot of things short of my career expertise is small. Anymore I look at porn and it doesn’t do much for me except let me be able to go to sleep each night. So much guilt and shame. Cried multiple times over this. I’m 25. This nightmare started when I was 13 in terms of internet porn. It was locked in once I discovered the link between viewing and self-stimulation. I had minor exposure before then but not much. For most of these 12 years I’ve been wanting to be rid of it, and now more than ever. All this time I’ve still never had a face to face actual relationship with a girl (had one long distance relationship at 14), and I honestly believe I’ll never successfully find anybody and build a family until I’m rid of this. Basically everything else in my life is slowly getting better, except this. This is getting worse. I don’t “act out” as you might see in some severe cases. My morals still hold me back from going that far. But this is truly a nightmare. What’s worse is the majority of my close friends don’t understand it to be an actual problem.
There’s the occasional evening where one way or another, I experience the elation that you get from seeing what God can do in your life and others–on those evenings, I can typically go to sleep peacefully–such an experience successfully replaces the urge for pornography at those times. But they are rare.
You people deserve compensation for the program you’re providing. I hope I can figure out how to afford it soon.
Anonymous
July 13, 2009 • 10:34 pm
Quitting pornography has been the toughest personal challenge I have ever had, exceeding the challenges presented by drug addition. This recording has been extremely helpful in helping me understand what is going on here, and in particular, the relationship between porn and certain foods (in my case dark chocolate..)
Trevor
July 14, 2009 • 2:18 am
Hi , I am addicted to pornography, it is ruining my life , at the moment my wife has left me , I am struggling with my business in these difficult times when i should be giving 100%. What you have said in this podcast relates to me so much , I dont watch normal TV anymore ,I find it boring , I dont even go to a bar with my friends ,I find that boring,and I have to look at stronger and stronger images to keep interested , I have also started to abuse myself and have only just stopped myself from really hurting myself.
I am listening to all your podcasts at the moment , they realy help, I really want to stop , but with the financial climate at the moment and my business in such a bad way i cant afford to sign up, as soon as i can afford it I will be there , just hope its not too late!!!
Anonymous
July 14, 2009 • 5:30 am
withdrawals from porn addiction are worse than for most drugs. Going through it right now and had to be medicated.
Melissa
July 14, 2009 • 1:12 pm
I am not amazed at how many people are dealing with porn addiction issues. Porn is all over the place.
Understanding porn and it’s addiction is one of the first steps to having more control in your life. Both people in a relationship need to understand porn and its addiction together.
A great resource for this purpose is a highly recommended book titled “Love and Pornography,” by Victoria Prater and Garry Prater. Their honest approach to this issue is a breath of fresh air. This book is like a healing balm for the wound of porn.
Mark Kastleman
July 14, 2009 • 1:55 pm
Anonymous:
The chemicals released during the viewing of porn are not “stronger” than those triggered by drug use–they are the same type of neuro-chemicals. The challenge with pornography is that unlike street drugs, it is available 24/7 at the touch of a mouse-button, in virtually unlimited quantities and varieties, and much of it is free. A very important factor, is that not everyone is attracted to street drugs. However, everyone has a sex drive. Spend enough time on the Internet, and eventually you will encounter the type of porn that arouses you. Then, link that particular kind of porn to the powerful neuro-chemical release of masturbation, and you can easily become addicted.
When an individual seeks recovery from street drugs, he or she does not find these drugs everywhere they look. When one tries to break free of porn addiction, sexual images are all around us–on the Internet, TV, movies, billboards, magazine covers–and most challenging, all of the porn images stored in the mind as one’s own private “porn library.” This makes it very difficult to break free, especially if one is using “avoidance” as the main recovery strategy.
me
July 14, 2009 • 2:34 pm
This information is so useful. I’ve noticed a phenomenon that has always intrigued, and scarred me, but I could never understand till now. I’ve experienced lulls in brain activity quite often, usually when stressed, fearful, or exhausted. I “stop thinking.” Thats the only way I can explain it. Usually I first compulsively turn to video games to escape, then I get this worn out feeling and exit whatever game i’m playing. When I’m done my mind feels like it goes on autopilot and I go to the places on the internet where I know porn is. I don’t even think about it. All my ideals, beliefs, and all the work I’ve done to hate what is bad goes out the window. Then I self medicate with the porn, then comes the terrible darkness in my heart and gut. I may repeat, and a spell of depression that lasts days might follow. Then I hit a spell of determination, and stay away from it for a while. And the cycle begins again later. I’m so tired of this cycle. I looked up video games and porn addiction to see the connection, but now I see it’s all just addictive behavior… is that right? I think the activities have become linked out of habit. Do you know if the excitement that playing video games fosters stimulates the production of dopamine too?
One other thing, my drive to create, and art related goals have have really deteriorated over the past few years. I felt like I was losing my passion. This is interesting because when I acted out with pornography, I sometimes told myself to stop wasting my passion on it. I now see that’s exactly what I was doing. I fight to want to draw and paint, and I do feel good when I can finish a piece, but the now limited level of excitement that I get from it doesn’t propel me past the discipline part of art most the time. How long can it take to get it back? My ability to produce art, my chosen career path, and my ability to use my special gift depends on it! I want my frontal lobe to grow back NOW! I’ve been set back so much by this. I have got to do something immediately.
Mark Kastleman
July 14, 2009 • 5:19 pm
Me:
Your experience is a perfect example of what I describe in my podcast–and one common to so many who are caught in this trap–you are definitely not unique in your struggles or alone. You’re right–there are many online activities that can devolve into addiction, including video games. Yes, video games can also tap into the dopamine cycle. As I describe in the podcast, because you have altered your dopamine receptors through porn use, other activities don’t seem exciting anymore. Over time, you can return your brain to normal levels where former hobbies and pursuits become exciting again. You have to give it time–it takes consistent use of recovery tools and skills, but the healing does take place.
David
July 14, 2009 • 3:05 pm
I’m so tired of this addiction, when I wake up in the morning..it’s practically the first thing I do before I even brush my teeth. I can’t take it anymore, and when I’m done..I feel so down. I don’t even want to go work. What’s worse is that my wife wants to make love to me and I have no desire at all to do so, and she is such a beautiful woman and I just don’t get excited with her anymore like that, and I know it’s because of the porn addiction. It’s going to be hard to do, but I swear I’m gonna kick this addiction out of my life for my wife’s sake and for my baby girl sake. I need to lead a normal life. Thank you for this podcast, it was very, very helpful.
David
July 14, 2009 • 3:33 pm
I’m not addicted to pornography, but I’m addicted to masturbation.
David
July 14, 2009 • 3:35 pm
Addiction to masturbation can contain side effects!
Samer
July 15, 2009 • 4:14 pm
Hi
Just a word of thanks to Candeo and Dr Mark as thanks to them, i am now through my first 10 consecutive days since 13 years that I didn’t watch available pornography. It is in the moment where I discovered my addiction OCC cycle that I fell much more stronger. I know the war is not over, I am just delighted that I am winning for the first time since 13 years.
Jenn
July 15, 2009 • 11:52 pm
Most people believe that this only affects men n not women but it happened to me.I was exposed to it when I was a child when I found a copy of a magazine in my parents bedroom.Although I never watched or read porn those images have haunted me till now and I find myself seeking for more and more.Now I know how this can ruin your life and I wouldn’t want my children to be exposed to it …but sometimes I wonder how considering we are surrounded by such evil minds..God help us.
Anonymous
July 16, 2009 • 8:53 am
i am strugglin, cuz my husband is addicted to porn, but he does not think so…..is answer is divorce. i dont want a divorce, so im tryin to get help for myself.
Rob Allsopp
July 17, 2009 • 8:35 am
Mark, Thank-you ! for the insights and hope this information makes possible. Rob.
H.B
July 19, 2009 • 2:48 pm
My father’s porn addiction has cost him his 46 year marriage to my mother who is devastated by the effects and what my father did! He was really far gone into it..Being a former smoker I can understand how hard breaking a habit can be. He wants help and will do the full course here. Honestly, it may be too late for the marriage though, that is the hardest for me to get through, I am there 37 year old daughter who has been stuck in the middle of this ugly addiction. I should be in a great realtionship, but for me this whole ordeal has completely turned me off to relationships with men. So, get the help you need if you are reading this, YOUR addiction AFFECTS many LIVES then just the addict!!
D.F.
August 3, 2009 • 1:20 pm
I am the father of H.B. And she is right my porn addiction is costing me my 46 year marriage to the most wonderful woman in the world. She has since moved out and is living with my daughter 176 miles away. I feel so alone now as she wont even answer my emails. I know I Have hurt her and I am deeply sorry. I wish I could turn back time and make this all go away but I can’t. All I can do is get well for my sake and for hers. I do love my wife very much and will do anything I have to in order to win her love again. I have been addicted for 25 years and didn’t even know it until she confronted me 2 years ago about some things I did. Even then knowing I may lose her didn’t stop me from sneaking porn use that’s how insidious this addiction is! I pray that It isn’t to late to save my marriage. It took her leaving me to really wake me up to this fact! She has been gone for about a month but it seems like a year! My daughter is right this addiction affects more than the one addicted, it affects the addicts whole world. And I lost my world to this deadly affliction. My hat is off to you Mark for your program which helps in the understanding of this addiction and how it affects one’s brain. A porn addict is what I am not WHO I am and sometimes people confuse the two. I can’t apologize enough to my wife for what I am. But I am getting better and better, especially since I have started to get back my personal relationship with God. Now I know first hand what it’s like to lose the only thing in life that matters, your family! Without family, life holds no meaning! What keeps me straight now is the hope of hopes that my wifes still has love in her heart for me and that someday we can be united. For without that hope in my heart I may as well be dead!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the only thing that keeps me going and keeps me strong enough to keep off of the porn. Just like any addiction it’s an up hill battle and I struggle every day not to use. Thanks again for your program.
qa
August 13, 2009 • 4:36 pm
197 $ is too much ………..u mean
in india it is my 3 month salary
H.B
October 29, 2009 • 11:51 am
Hi I am H.B who wrote earlier, my father decided this program is too much money and while he has a relationship with God, will not talk to the elders in the congergation as he does “not trust them”, since he did not want to hear my feelings on this addiction nor wants professional help I am no longer talking to him as he will not respect boundries and I was tired of hearing how if he doesn’t talk to me he will “use” (not a great mental picture) so now I am in counseling that HE is paying 95.00 an hour for, the reality is he does not want the help as he still getting something from this addiction, I hope he gets the help he needs before its too late!
lilolme
November 14, 2009 • 10:22 pm
My gosh! It is PATHETIC how WEAK the human brain is! I don’t know what to do. I’ve had this problem for way too long! I have actually started to hate real women because it’s not like is ‘easy’ to get with them. everything in life has to be a ‘challenge’ huh? Well it’s no stinking wonder why we get addicted to something like porn. But then the porn itself becomes an even bigger problem.
I often question myself and ask myself while I have the urge to ‘act out’ and seek porn : What IF I DON’T look at porn…..what if I just resist and endure the pain…what is the worst that could happen? But I still fail and go ahead and look at the porn. I am seriously dissapointed in the human brain – this type of addiction simply should’nt happen. Nature hass too many flaws! The reason I blame nature instead of blaming myself is cause,..well,…look how many people this thing affects! I am starting the cycle again….it seems like I cannot go more than 4 days without endulging…I’m so pathetic…are women really that awesome? Honestly, I just really am dissapointed in myself for having such a strong lust for people who are merely ou sexual opposites. I am going to keep trying to quit.
Vela Faltu
December 15, 2009 • 5:47 am
Dear Candeo Staff,
Thank you so much for this informative podcast. You don’t know how much this podcast resonates with me. I wanted to cry while listening to this podcast.
I am a student and have been suffering from this addiction for over a decade now. I really can’t control my will power when it comes to masturbation and porn although I can control myself when it comes to food. I am able to defer my studies easily even though exams might be just one week later or so.
Thank you for doing all this research and for sharing it with the public.
I was wondering why not make this open source? I understand that one has to devote a lot of time at least initially to develop this program. It is hard to so when this program is a side activity rather than a main activity.
I commit to joining this program by March 2010 (That’s when I start earning
crystal
December 26, 2009 • 7:49 pm
I would like to submit that this particular audio presentation goes a bit out of the way to not focus on the fact that this intense pleasure and very high release of dopamine is related to a sexual activity. It is clear that porn addicts have all their most pleasurable, in terms of neurotransmitters, sexual experiences with pornography. After pornography, even with the appropriate lapse of time and other measures taken into account, regular sex does not produce a comparable level of pleasure. Is this all supposed to be reassuring to women, that men have the most intense, chemically, sexual pleasure of their lives with pornography, and as research shows, internet pornography in particular? Are we supposed to feel that we are always fourth rate, despite intimacy exercises and all other measures? After all, there are men who are not and have not been porn addicts, and since porn addicts have desperately emotionally crippled themselves, infantilized themselves, become social misfits, and have very often financially ruined themselves and their families, and abused various family members in countless insidious ways, wouldn’t one simply be better off with someone else? It is not as though they have not broken nearly every vow of marriage, if not every vow. What is of such supreme importance to a woman about staying married to a man who was never really married to her? This absolutely ruins your sex life, on top of everything else that has been ruined. I’m not comfortable being the worst, in terms of chemistry and pleasure, sexual experience my husband has ever had. Yes, we understand that intimacy exercises and learning how to actually care about another human being (something that one should not have to learn or they should not be married) helps a man to care enough about his spouse to not want to hurt her by returning to internet and other types of pornography, but research quotes hundreds of these guys who have been off of porn for years essentially stating, I wouldn’t do it again, because it ruined my life, and I care about my wife now and don’t want to hurt her, but I miss it even though I hate it, because it was the best sex I ever had, with the best women I ever had, and the best orgasms I ever had, etc., etc., ad infinitum. I think that women can do better than that and are under no responsibility to stay married to men who have broken the marriage covenant repeatedly and also lack any sacramental understanding of marriage. A huge and life destroying burden is being placed on women to just accept this and “do the right thing,” when their husbands have never even attempted to do so.
fred
January 5, 2010 • 5:11 am
Hi, I wanted to know some personal exercises that can help me overcome my porn addiction.
simon
May 5, 2010 • 8:29 am
G’day, porn is a disease for me. the imagers are stuck in my head and movies all the time. but i know it’s a long battle that is keep on going for the rest of my life. but i am prepareing myself for this. it will be a fight to the death. as everyday comes, the attactions of the good old day just seems so easy. but that’s it is war. fighting that urge with yourself and all ways watching your back for ambush. day by day. that all i can ask for myself to do.
Bill Bradley
May 23, 2010 • 9:21 pm
Well, Crystal, if you yourself had a ‘sacramental’ understanding of marriage, you would understand that the complaints you raise, though important, are not sufficient to justify a divorce. Even supposing that a husband really believes that the most pleasant ‘sexual experiences’ he has ever had have involved pornography, a genuinely sacramental view of marriage does not make pleasure the most important feature of sex. If a couple can have sex meaningfully and with real intimacy, then the fact that it might be more exciting for the husband to go watch some pornography is irrelevant. You really do not want your husband to think of you in anything like the way he thinks of the women he sees in pornography; or at least, if you do want him to think of you that way, you’re complicit in your own objectification, and whatever else one might want to say about that, it certainly isn’t part of a sacramental understanding of marriage! And no, on a sacramental understanding of marriage, pornography addiction is not a sufficient reason for divorce.
schmidtty
May 27, 2010 • 3:21 pm
This talks about returning dopamine to normal levels. I don’t have a clue what that is. I have been viewing porn since I was 5 or 6 (that is 1971) and Masturbating since I was 11. WHAT IS NORMAL. I am excited to see.
Angie
September 2, 2010 • 4:18 pm
I am investigating what resources would be helpful, in a community, for individuals addicted to pornography. I am a recovering drug addict, and there are a lot of PHYSICAL resources for drug and alcohol dependency. I am not finding many resources for porn addiction, and I am interested in why. My question is, if you were to imagine a location to go for help, where would it be? What service would it offer?
becca
April 13, 2011 • 3:05 am
until reading this i didn’t think my husband was actually addicted but now i’m not sure. he doesn’t use porn too much, every couple of days i think, but my problem is that he keeps it very separate from me so i’m not part of it, and when we’ve discussed it before i’ve said i don’t mind him looking at it but don’t want it to be a big secret. but it still is a secret, i know he’s doing it but he keeps it to himself. i suppose this wouldn’t bother me if i felt that we were having enough sex but we’re not, i mean he does work long hours and we have a 6 month old baby so we’re both tired, but i don’t feel we’re having sex enough and it seems to me like he’s not that bothered. he’s very loving and we always cuddle but i wonder if he didn’t have the quick fix of porn would he actually want to have sex with me more? when we do have sex it’s great and when we’ve discussed porn he says it’s nothing compared to us having sex, just a quick relief. but from what i’ve read here our sex isn’t as exciting as the lame pictures he looks at? they’re just women with their boobs out, nothing really exciting or extreme. and he does get excited by me but just not often enough. so is it because he’s too tired or is it due to and addiction to porn where real sex seems less interesting?
MarkH
April 26, 2011 • 10:58 am
Becca,
Thanks for commenting and sharing. Porn addiction is an interesting behavior with a lot of negative and sometimes difficult to understand effects on the person struggling as we as the spouse trying to help and be understanding. In general terms, a porn addicts sexual issues arrive from years of creating unhealthy brain circuitry that ultimately shape and have an impact on what sex is to that person. Although the addiction is chemical it has an obvious strong impact on sexuality and sexual relationships. We have put together a series of podcasts for women, hopefully they help to answer some of your questions:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650
all the best
connie
May 2, 2011 • 7:33 am
For the past 4 or 5 years, my husband has had a compulsion to watch porn. I am not sure how often, and I am not interested in knowing how often.
For a little while, I thought I had helped him, simply by him not having any type of access to the internet or magazines. The past couple of years have been hell though. I noticed that he was finding ways to watch porn, sneak magazines around. Yes, I got upset because I thought we had an honest relationship going again, but no matter how upset I got it just did not matter.
There is nothing else left for me to do with his addiction, and I am willing to do all I can to help him. He says he wants to stop but doesn’t know how, and just recently he told me for the first time in our marriage of 6 years that he has had this problem since he was a kid.
Porfirio Waithe
December 12, 2011 • 7:17 pm
There a thing about this post that i love ..