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This is the Official Podcast from Candeo. The Answer For Your Porn Addiction.
Episode 24. July 27, 2009. With Mark Kastleman.
This weeks episode is titled, “Internet Porn – 4 Drugs in One.”
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Candeo is Devoted to Helping Pornography Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing
Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Pornography Addiction.
It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Pornography Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.
Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Pornography Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.
To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click HERE.
Anonymous
July 28, 2009 • 9:00 pm
Thanks for teaching me so much about my problem. Im 17 so i cant sign up for Candeo because i dont have a credit card and i wouldnt dare tell my parents about my problem. Ive taken the mini course and still feel pretty hopeless. What should i do?
Anonymous
July 29, 2009 • 4:28 pm
i dont have a credit card and i wouldnt tell my parents, so i cant get candeo. what should i do?
Rob
July 29, 2009 • 6:41 pm
Mark,Thank-you for explaining the brain chemical process, I have gained knowledge, insight and understanding; resulting in hope.
spencer
July 31, 2009 • 12:27 am
This is so amazing to hear! I felt I needed to come to this website. It was sudden, and I was very close to stumbling back into porn before I logged on and listened. These podcasts really nullify my urges to look at porn. I try to listen every time I have that urge. Thank you so much, Mark.
Nathan
August 5, 2009 • 11:08 pm
anonymous your parents are going to have to know at some point. Removing the anonymity will help you to overcome your problem. There is power in numbers.
Joe
August 6, 2009 • 1:56 pm
Nathan,
I disagree. It depends on the individual’s parents. Some may be supportive and will seek help for their child, but some are clueless and will punish the child more. Some will even go crazy and totally embarrass the child.
I had many addictions which my parents did not know, and I know they would bury me alive if they found out.
There are free anonymous help out there and small steps you can do to overcome the problem. Unless the addiction is interfering with school work (to the point you’re nearly dropping out) or substantially lacking other areas of life, then the problem is severe. However, just looking at porn once in a while, can be overcome with constantly focusing your mind elsewhere.
I had this problem as a teen and it was not too bad; if it’s causing trouble, then let therapist online or anonymous phone hotline for addiction know.
devang
August 7, 2009 • 11:23 am
anomynous i have a same problem as u but be positive everything will be allright
unsure
August 13, 2009 • 1:04 am
mark, if those 4 chemicals are released during masturbation while watching porn, then why aren’t they released when husbands make out with their wives? or are the chemicals are still released but with perhaps lower amounts? in other words, if those 4 chemicals are what hooks people to porn addiction, why aren’t those 4 chemicals also hooking people to sex addiction with their wives?
Mark Kastleman
August 13, 2009 • 10:15 am
That’s a great question–one that many people wonder about. Actually, the four chemicals ARE released during sexual intimacy with a spouse. When the relationship is based on love, mutual respect, maturity, caring, etc.–in other words, when it is a healthy relationship–the release of these chemicals during sex is an amazing gift to the relationship. It is rewarding from a physical pleasure standpoint, but also emotionally fulfilling as well. And, there is actually a “healthy dependency” that forms between spouses–in a way, they become so bonded and “one” that it’s like being “addicted to each other” in a healthy way. So, yes, I suppose you could say, “I am hooked on my wife!”
When the four neuro-chemicals are released in a healthy relationship, they are modulated by the brain and nervous system to be experienced at normal, healthy levels. The sexual process is “part of” the relationship. Along with the pure arousal and focus on body parts, there is also emotional connection, caring and sharing. There is a focus on pleasure for self, but also on pleasuring and loving another. This “holistic–integrated” experience tempers and regulates the chemical processes. It is extremely pleasurable, but not at the expense of the other healthy aspects of human connection. However, when porn coupled with masturbation is used to release the same chemicals, normal, healthy levels are exceeded. Why? Because porn viewing and masturbation have a very narrow, singular focus on stimulating the brain and body’s sexual triggers and processes at the highest level possible–while completely eliminating any and all aspects of loving, giving, sharing and enjoying with another human being–there is no “relationship” or bonding with another when porn and masturbation are pursued. So, the focus is extremely narrow; the chemical release is extremely intense; and it is all for one thing only–physical pleasure and climax. These are not “evil”–they are in fact very natural and desirable. BUT, when this pleasure/climax is pursued “in a vacuum” it can become very addicting, just like taking any singular drug for the sole purpose of pleasure stimulation.
The challenge with porn/masturbation, is that because it is so narrowly focused, the brain becomes habituated and bored with it very quickly. Thus, the individual must find ways to increase the stimulation–more variety, more graphic, more intense, longer amounts of time spent, different techniques, etc. In many cases, eventually the individual can’t keep the escalation going, and the sexual arousal becomes difficult–it all becomes boring because the level of stimulation the body has become accustomed to is so extreme–”normal/healthy sexual activity can’t compete.
On the other hand, if one is having sex as “part” of a healthy relationship, the sex doesn’t become boring IF the couple are enjoying a variety of things together–talking, sharing, working, joint hobbies–pursuing life together in a caring, exciting, loving way—this will never be boring because it is always changing, evolving and includes the fascination of another person in one’s life as opposed to the complete isolation, predictability and sameness of porn and “self-sex.”
Lorac
September 5, 2009 • 3:05 pm
Awesome question unsure! That was my million-dollar question. Doesnt make it any easier for me to accept, though. My boyfriend said once in counseling that sex with me was “daunting”. And i am a very beautiful, sensous woman, but this addiction is very powerful! Thanks
Lindsey
September 21, 2009 • 10:44 pm
My husband has been addicted 4 years. He hides in the bathroom and looks at his phone. He looks at the computer any chance he’s alone! And he hardly has sex w me! I also find that he seems more angry and even less interested in me after he masturbates to porn like I disgust him and am not good enough! I don’t know what to do! I call him on it and he denies it or laughs and says I’m insecure but I know because of the internet histories! What do I do?!
Ashley
September 23, 2009 • 6:10 pm
I have been married a little over 6 months and recently found out my husband has been looking at porn, only because I stumbled upon him. I have a similar problem to Lindsey, my husband does not want to acknowledge he has an addiction, he thinks he can control it. Only, I switched the computer controls so I can track the websites and he has done it since, he even tried after we agreed to put parental controls on. How can I get help for someone who doesn’t want help?
Randy
September 24, 2009 • 8:26 am
Hi Lindsey, I can relate to what your going through and will continue to go through with your husband. Myself I never really got into the stuff with the phone but the rest I sure can relate to. First of all he has to come to a realization that he is addicted to porn. That’s the first step. May I suggest that the two of you sit down and talk (not argue) about it. Just to break the ice so to speak. If you have allready done this with no sucess, then more drastic messures must be taken. If you really love you must be willing to change yourself. Not just on the outside but on the inside. Within your heart. You will get a better understanding of what I’m saying if you and your husband sit down an watch a movie called Fireproof. Just try it, but the key is to watch it together. It’s not easy and it does take time, and a perfect love that passes all understanding.
Jane
September 30, 2009 • 7:38 am
I have a female friend who has not been happy for a while in her mariage. She regularly self-satisfies. She has now started to use pornography to assist her. Is this common or uncommon? How can she tell if she is addicted or not? Should she be worrying about this?
anna
October 8, 2009 • 3:09 pm
i have been married about a year we have a beautiful baby girl a few months old.I know my husband about 4 years .On the beginning i didn’t know he was/is addicted to porn.When i find out he told me he will stop.I believed him.After i gave birth i find out that he was trying to sleep with somebody else he put adds on website asking for a sex because i wasn’t able to have sex.About month i found out that he has been masturbating everyday at work and of course no sex life with me.When i conform him about it he told me that i am not sexier no more etc.I felt terrible especially that i just gave a birth.I got really upset and i told him that if he is going to continue looking on porno and masturbating i will leave him .Two weeks past and he is saying that he didn’t masturbate and he didn’t look at porno .Do i believe him? I don’t know .I showed him on u tube some staff about addiction and suppose that made him realize that he is addicted and he has to stop.How can i know that he is not doing that?With alcohol addiction u know when they drink or not ,drugs addiction also what about porno addiction.For the past few weeks I cant get my thoughts together I feel betrayed I don’t know what to do.I have nobody to talk about How can I help him???
lisa
April 12, 2011 • 5:08 pm
My boyfriend of 3 Years has been hiding that hes been watching porn and he denies that hes addicted but its way out of control he has about 8000 pics of other naked women (not exagerating) he also has it on his computer and hides magazines from me it hurts so much i tried letting it slide but its really affecting our relationship and we have a beautiful 1 year old daughter i gave him an ultimatum saying it was me or the porn and he keeps avoiding the question what do i do?
MarkH
April 26, 2011 • 10:45 am
Lisa,
Unfortunately we can’t give you direct advice on what you should do, but we would say that we understand how difficult a pornography addiction can be on the girfriend/spouse of the person struggling. We have a series of podcasts on iTunes that are designed for girlfriends/spouses of addicts, our program has support for spouses, and we are working hard to increase the amount of help we give spouses. You can find the podcast here:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650
all the best
Teresa
May 1, 2011 • 2:25 am
I am a mother of a 2 year old daughter. Her father and I have been split up for 10 months now. He hid his internet porn addiction from me for 8 years until our computer crashed due his viewing. I have found out that now that he has his own computer in his own house, he has been indulging more and more since leaving. I am concerned about my daughters well being. He is obsessed with vaginas. I don’t know that he would ever touch her, but I am concerned about many aspects of his addiction, but am deeply concerned that he may be looking at her and that that may trigger his trigger to visit websites. I know that porn addiction can become progressive in nature out of curiousity, etc. How can I protect my daughter from her father, of all people? Why does he not understand that the girls/women he views on the sites are daughters of someone also. I am absolutely sick and terrified about this.