Shared by a Candeo Student
I got hooked on porn when I was 12. I’d hit puberty and a cousin showed me the whole masturbation deal, which became a regular activity. Then a friend showed me some of his Dads porn magazines. It started out as huge curiosity and then it was super arousing and I got hooked pretty fast. In my teen years I didn’t do much of anything to stop looking at it or avoid it. I just got all the porn I could and masturbated a lot. I didn’t think it was any big deal. But then in college I started getting in to internet porn. When I was in high school the internet was just really getting started. The internet stuff was way more intense than the magazines. It all blew my mind! Stuff from all over the world of every kind. For awhile I just totally gorged myself on it. But then I was surfing porn instead of studying, and staying up late looking at it. It started to become a big distraction and it started getting in the way of my relationships with girls. It got to the point where I just wanted it out of my life—I was really sick of it controlling me. So one time after a whole weekend pornfest I decided that was it, that was the last time I was going to do it.
Things went OK for a few days and then I started getting this huge urge to go on the computer. I fought it like crazy but the more I tried to keep it out of my head the stronger the urge got until I thought I would go insane. So I gave in and went online and ended up spending hours and masturbated. I felt like crap after and was determined that was the last time. Well it wasn’t and the whole thing happened all over again. I since learned from Candeo that I was caught in the control phase and release phase and stuck in a compulsive trap. I went around and around on that same cycle for years—giving in and hating myself after and shouting that was it and then going right back to it again. Finally I decided it just wasn’t worth the fight, that I might as well just give in and stop struggling so much. That was a huge mistake! All it did was waste more time in front of the computer. Stuff got boring and I had to find more graphic porn and more variety and I was spending more and more time—it just got more and more out of control. I remember thinking about my friend who had a drinking problem and how he kept saying he was going to quit and then he just gave into it. I realized I was stuck in the same cycle he was, but just a different addiction. Later when I learned from Candeo that porn affects the brain just like drugs and alcohol it all made sense!
The big break thru for me was when I found out I was going about it all wrong. That fighting and avoiding it only makes it worse. And giving in was just like a cocaine addict giving in. The craving doesn’t go away it just wants more and more and more. I learned from Candeo how to stop fearing my addiction and going to war with it and instead how to face it head on and replace it with knowledge and healthy connections and activities. Once I started doing it right I started having success that I never thought could happen. It didn’t happen right away. I had fall backs but they got fewer and fewer and I got more and more confidence until the pull of the porn had reduced to nearly nothing. So I can tell you that fighting and avoiding doesn’t work and neither does giving in. You have to use the right tools that actually start changing your brain wiring so that you enjoy other things in life and the porn just isn’t that big of a deal any more. I thought that was impossible. But I am living it so it can happen for anyone. The secret is to just get started down the path. Because if you keep doing what you’ve been doing you will keep getting what you’ve been getting.
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Candeo is Devoted to Helping Pornography Addicts Start Down the Path of Healing
Candeo is an online organization whose mission is to educate and train individuals about the realistic, scientifically proven nature of Pornography Addiction.
It is estimated that in the U.S. alone, there are more than 60 million individuals, including men, women and children, caught up in Internet Pornography Addiction at some level. Pornography use is having a dramatic impact on their individual lives, families and society as a whole.
Candeo’s groundbreaking training system is an online Pornography Addiction Psycho-Education & Training System. This website contains many resources to help you learn more about this exciting new approach to helping those who are Addicted to Pornography.
To learn more and sign up for a FREE sample mini-course click HERE.
Dean
July 21, 2009 • 7:13 pm
This story is so similar to my own. My addiction started with magazines as a teenager and has only progressed from there. I hate to think there are others struggling with this as well, but it’s also comforting to know I’m not the only one. And- that there is a way out.
B
July 21, 2009 • 7:15 pm
My addiction has been such a roller coaster of shame and guilt mixed with so many other emotions. I’m glad there are people out there willing to share their stories like this student. It gives me hope.
L24G
July 22, 2009 • 6:17 am
I have been struggling in the same exact way as described in this story. I never realized how many people are in this situation! For years I thought it was no big deal, but I believe that being addicted to pornography played a major role in how I viewed my wife, which ultimately led to a divorce. I believe that once you recognize that it IS an addiction and seek help, positive things will occur in your life. I’m glad someone stepped up and shared their story. I don’t feel so alone anymore.
You Can Do It
July 22, 2009 • 6:58 am
First its a great thing to hear stories about people like us stopped doing that bad habit i think it just needs struggling for it… think in it like “am not that dog who do anything in any place when he want it ”
i mean a dog can have sex relation with other dog in public so when he needed it he had done it but humans are not like dogs we feel that we need it or wanna do it also but we have a brain we can stop ourselves
my addiction started many years ago and i was Superior in school and i entered the faculty of computer and information … in the college i was not good in my studies and my GPA was down its all because of this porn adddiction and masturbation the disaster that i feel or afraid of bieng affected from those bad years of masturbation
can any one answer me ? can masturbation have this effect on my brain ?
can it affect my ability to save information to my brain?
robert
July 22, 2009 • 7:16 am
A story w/a huge message—-Thank You
robert
July 22, 2009 • 7:17 am
HOPE IS NEEDED-THIS STORY IS SATURATED WITH IT
WhiteWolf
July 22, 2009 • 7:45 am
Did I write that post? sure sounds like I did. It really is hard to not want to give in all the time – when that dopamine starts filling you up man it is potent and powerful. Candeo really works folks – once you understand the reason, the process and learn to replace – it gets better, not instantly, but it does and will get better! Stay strong friends!
MW
July 22, 2009 • 8:13 am
Guilt and shame are only the beginning of the struggle that I face. I to am a adict who has wanted to break free of the addiction to internet porn. It seems to be the most accessible and convenient (maybe that’s why the industry is doing so well) Exposure to positive things has helped my struggle with porn. I have some control that I did not have before.
I pray that all of those wrestling will find peace in God as you live on. Be Blessed.
Jeffery Kwant
July 22, 2009 • 10:26 am
It sounds like alot of men fall into the same trap ie. friends or family members show us pornography so we think must be something okay to do then the curiousity builds and if coupled with masturbation then the dopamine pleasure chemical takes over. It really just feds the fantasy sex hook because that is what we are exactly playing out. A fantasy that we can be having sex with all these women or whatever. To answer the other post whether excessive masturbation has a bad effect on brain function I have to say yes. Because you are literal directly causing release of the important neurotransmitters involved in emotion and brain function that you are imbalancing them which causes bio chemical imbalances and problems throughout your body. Once you get a control level and look to replace porn with real relationships as God has intended us to do from the start and believe in God you can have hope and positive reinforcement that sex is not everything in life. Intimacy with a woman is far more fulfilling to our manhood.
J. Lock
July 22, 2009 • 12:06 pm
I’ve struggled with P/M since 1984, I was about 13 or 14. I started out with masturbation and progressed on to magazines, then watching it. I too, felt like there was nothing wrong with it…I mean, it seemed that everybody was doing it. Well, later on in my adult life, I became a Christian and I’ll tell ya, before becoming a Christian I didn’t have a struggle; porn and masturbating was something I enjoyed. But afterwards…that’s when it became a struggle, and because I didn’t get a secure grip on it, it followed me into my marriage (I was under the impression that if I got married, the struggle would cease, but it didn’t). I was married for 8yrs.
Timothy
July 22, 2009 • 12:19 pm
Wow this story is so familiar. Except I started in my mid teens right on the internet. Stupid stories websites. At one time I thought I was better off because they were just stories and didn’t involve any real people, but now they just feel like more of an intrusion plus they led to pictures and eventually videos anyway. Sooo much better… right. I also went through the quitting cycle, often wondering about the conclusion of an unfinished story would pull me back, other times I made it up to a month without too much trouble but every time that happened I would eventually have an erotic dream at night and it would put it strongly back in my head until I had to go back. That was really frustrating because I could avoid the internet by keeping busy, but it was impossible to avoid the dreams.
bobby
July 22, 2009 • 1:25 pm
Thanks for your story, My situation is very very similar and it’s almost like you’re describing me. It’s really encouraging to know that I have hope if I keep on practising the candeo skills consistently and I look forward to a day when I can experience freedom from it!
Anonymous
July 22, 2009 • 2:52 pm
Thanks for your story, my situation is soooo similar to yours. You’ve taught me that fightin’ it or giving in to it are bad ideas. Now i can look forward to freedom. thank u!
Joseph
July 22, 2009 • 2:53 pm
I got it today. It all started some 4-5 years ago but now i think i’ve got the solution to my problem. I am a nigerian undergraduate, who finds it difficult to comprehend after reading not knowing it’s masturbation effect. Thanks to GOD and to this organisation who has helped of through. I got locked up into this when i was in secondary school i.e. My final year when i went about with friends all in the name of celebrating our freedom not knowing that the outcome is disastrous. I got into the university three years ago and noticed my assimilating ability diminished. Knowing the problem but not solution, i couldn’t tell anyone of my situation so i had to continue rising and falling. Today i got it clear that i need not struggle so i am free
Newman
July 22, 2009 • 4:33 pm
Thumbs up candeo!
u guys r doin a great job. My own addiction rather started with music videos,then later into porn cds and finally “internet porn”.
I’m yet to join d candeo program, but would do very soon.
My problem is that i haven’t a credit card to pay with.
plz can u suggest a mode of payment for pips outside the U.S other than credit card?
Thanx again..
Barney
July 22, 2009 • 5:53 pm
Thanks for sharing your story.
My own personal struggle is so similar. I started at puberty when I found my Dad’s stash of old porn mags. That lead to a life long struggle with porn addiction and masturbation. Eventually it reached a point where my adiction was so strong that I could no longer become properly “aroused” within the sexual relationship I had with my wife. I needed to be viewing porn to become properly aroused. After many years of hit and miss intimacy with my wife, she eventually had an affair and left me and my kids last year to live with another man.
Like the original posters story, I had tried to give up countless times. I’d throw my stash of porno in the bin, vowing never to go back. Sometimes I’d last a month or two, other times it would only be days, before the lure of porno would pull me back. Now with the internet porn was so easy to access, and it made giving up seem impossible.
I’m in my mid forties now and have battled porn addiction for at least 30 years. My pathetic addiction has cost me a lot, far more than I ever thought possible. I feel shame and disgust at my weakness and inability to control my compulsive behaviour. My addiction ultimately cost my kids their family unit, and I came close to suicide over my adidction after my wife leaft last year.
No one in my family or close circle of friends has any idea of my addiction, let alone how long it has gone on. On the surface I’m a successful business person, and to those who know me, I’m your average nice guy next door.
In the last few months I have began reading books on porn addiction and they have helped me in my personal struggle to free myself from this horrible addiction. I am making some gains in the right direction but its never easy. I have a new partner in my life now who is very supportive of my challenge to becoming properly aroused, but she has no idea that its my porn addiction that has coused the problem.
The stupid thing is that my addiction has so radically changed the way my brain works, I now have to take Ciallas tablets (like Viagra) to maintain a proper erection. That costs me about $150 per month alone, and all because of an addiction to porn.
I know I am slowly winning my battle and the allure of internet porn is loosing its grip on me. How long it will take for my brain to erase the pathways that have developed over 30 years is my biggest worry right now. Will I ever be able to function normally sexually without the help of drugs, or without the images of porn playing over and over in my head to become properly aroused. I guess only time will tell.
For those struggleing with this addiction I wish you well. If your only in your teens and 20′s and recognise you have this problem, I urge you to seek out treatment now before your porn addiction destroys your life completely, because porn addiction will destroy your life eventually.
Candeo Administrator
July 22, 2009 • 9:42 pm
Newman,
If you are unable to pay with a credit card, you can pay using Paypal by following this link:
https://secure.candeocan.com/register/signup
dovo_candeo
July 22, 2009 • 10:59 pm
If you think porn is what you want or fun think again. These people are not lying. Porn robs you of your life.
Do candeo, it’s well worth it. It will help you to have a healthy sexuality that will make you feel good about yourself and I expect will make women feel good around you too. It works.
Matt
July 23, 2009 • 1:47 am
Your story is almost identical to mine, I’ve been battling with this horrid addiction too and a few months ago did the candeo mini course. It taught me so much in just a few slides and it was so clear where I was going wrong. I decided then and there that I was going to stop and did for at least a month, until I had a slip up and was told by my brain that it was fine and to continue, what harm is it doing?
Overall I chose to go back, but once I did, I couldn’t stop. I could choose to stop again and go through the whole process of ignoring the urges to what made me successful, but porn is the easy way out! I know it’s damaging my mental state and views but I can choose to stop or not. Believe it or not, porn to me is actually repetitive and dull, I only use it to relieve sexual urges and even after it I feel like s%h*t.
Reading this post has now again encouraged me not to give in, and if I set my mind to it and focus on other more important things, I will be able to stay off it, with it not even coming into thought. Thanks for sharing.
katateryu
July 23, 2009 • 2:28 pm
buenas tardes compañeros quero admitir que soy impotente ente la pornogrfia me da corage o animo ver que muchos de ustedes han encontrado la libertad a travez de poner su mente en cosas positivas compartiendo y sobre todo pidiendole a un poder superior Pido ayuda que añguien me diga que tengo que hacedr para por fin ser libre de toda forma de lujuria hoy 23 de julio quiero ante ustedes poner mi vida y mi vouluntad al cuidado de Dios aquel que me mantuvo sobrio ayer y me protegio de lazs concecuencias completas de mi lujuria ayer y tambien me protegios de mis pensamientos y actitudes negativas HELP ME ENTIENDO UN POCO DE INGLES NOS VEREMOS EN ESSTE PÀRAIZO ESPIRITUAL DE LA SOBRIEDAD
Pedro
July 26, 2009 • 10:02 pm
Just to let everyone out there know it is a craving that is hard to get rid of. My wife found an old boyfriend and had an affair. I know it was because of the porn. I did not take care of her needs but was selfish with mine on the internet.
Anonymous
July 26, 2009 • 11:14 pm
it’s so hard sometimes… that story sounds very much like my own… i just hope that i can have a happy ending like yours. stay strong guys.
Pablo
August 2, 2009 • 7:10 pm
This is exactly what I’ve gone through & am going through right now. I’m not having much success as of late but I’ll keep on trying in hopes that something changes.
Michael
August 3, 2009 • 7:31 pm
I’m totally freaked over the number submissions involving boys finding their fathers’ stash of porn. Whoa! I find it difficult to believe that there are married men out there who use porn.
I was sixteen when I accidentally discovered masturbation. I remember that wretched night in Feb. of ’84 and curse it. Here I am, forty-two, single, and still act out every two weeks or so. If I had known that that curious action would become a weird, twisted habit in my life, I would have avoided it like the plague. (grrrrrr) God help me.
RE: porn…I can take it or leave it. I usually leave it. What feeds my self-hatred is that, at forty-two, I’m still acting out while assuming all men outgrow masturbation in their late teens early twenties. This false assumption only serves to feed my loneliness and shame.
O, God, be merciful to me, a sinner.
Tom
August 4, 2009 • 5:41 pm
We all know we live in a sex-soaked society. So why do Christians continually stick their heads in the sands and pretend it’s not a problem?
When polled anonymously, over 50% of pastors admit to struggling with pornography. If our pastors are struggling in such great numbers, how much more are our laymen? Is there any hope of victory over this sin?
James
August 6, 2009 • 6:51 am
Actually I find these posts incredibly useful … so many people having the courage to step up and admit (albeit throught the anonymity of the internet) their addiction. It is very encouraging. Thanks to all of you.
Mike
August 15, 2009 • 11:30 am
Candeo is here… It seems like hope, like the answer. I simply cannot find a way to pay it… Good luck to those who can.
anonymous
October 9, 2009 • 11:50 am
May God help everyone in this world fighting pornography addiction to be able to overcome it including me
anonymous
June 2, 2010 • 1:54 pm
im a 17 year old girl who is trying so hard to stop……..hopefully ill be able to now :/
T.J.
June 2, 2010 • 10:59 pm
I STARTED WATCHING PORN WHEN I WAS 9 THEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS I STARTED MASTERBATING.IM TRYING TO STOP BUT I JUST GO INTO THAT CYCLE ALL OVER AGAIN.I THINK ITS BECAUSE WERE LONELY.WHEN I LOST MY GIRLFRIEND I STARTED CHECKING GIRLS OUT THEN I LIKED LOOKING AT THEM.THEN IT FIRST STARTED AT PICTURES THEN I STARTED WATCHING VIDEOS THEN I LIKED IT BUT NOW IM TRYING TO STOP AND LIFES BETTER WHEH YOU DONT DO IT.NOW PEOPLE TALK TO ME MORE.AND THE GIRL IS TALING TO ME.GOOD LUCK GUYS
Yve
July 10, 2010 • 11:26 am
Hi. You have no idea how pleased I am to read of your success story! You see, I just realised this afternoon, yes this afternoon, that my husband is addicted to porn. I knew of his porn battles even before we got married but I was naive enough to believe that once we got together it would all work out and he would lose interest in porn. Boy was I wrong. It’s almost 5 years now and we’ve been through hell. This is really encouraging though … I hope that by reading this he will be encouraged to do something about his addiction.
Thanks!